Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
