Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
