I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
