why didn't you poke me back
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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