But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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