is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
you didnt know i had herpes?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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