You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Randomize
