i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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