did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.