Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen