NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
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Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
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It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.