I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
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Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
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Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of