i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
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hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.