Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
from now on my penis is your penis
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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