Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
My life is pants optional.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
