We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Randomize