The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize