What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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