I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.