I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.