Texts From Last Night

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  (480): View more from Arizona

  Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?

  (325): View more from Texas

  Because you touch yourself at night.

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  (480): Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working? (325): Because you touch yourself at night. http://tfl.nu/lm5u
  Replies (14) Good night (3347) Bad night (1059)
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  (862): View more from New Jersey

  Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.

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  (862): Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me. http://tfl.nu/hfa7
  Replies (40) Good night (2276) Bad night (3228)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.

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  (205): we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper. http://tfl.nu/zgtp
  Replies (106) Good night (4256) Bad night (951)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.

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  (617): I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not. http://tfl.nu/e6fg
  Replies (91) Good night (1153) Bad night (7919)
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  (858): View more from California

  Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.

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  (858): Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel. http://tfl.nu/fcxh
  Replies (21) Good night (4791) Bad night (1174)
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  (980): View more from North Carolina

  You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.

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  (980): You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls. http://tfl.nu/1jxr
  Replies (12) Good night (2168) Bad night (3355)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds

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  (303): Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds http://tfl.nu/arjt
  Replies (14) Good night (2621) Bad night (903)
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  (209): View more from California

  What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?

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  (209): What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons? http://tfl.nu/8u4p
  Replies (20) Good night (3378) Bad night (1245)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.

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  (402): I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really. http://tfl.nu/wq20
  Replies (13) Good night (1457) Bad night (866)
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  (989): View more from Michigan

  Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.

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  (989): Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door. http://tfl.nu/7hia
  Replies (4) Good night (1481) Bad night (735)
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  (714): View more from California

  Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made

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  (714): Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made http://tfl.nu/j4f1
  Replies (7) Good night (1827) Bad night (575)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups

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  (720): Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups http://tfl.nu/s3s5
  Replies (5) Good night (2461) Bad night (554)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid

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  (604): Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid http://tfl.nu/spz2
  Replies (1) Good night (687) Bad night (392)
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight

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  (802): I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight http://tfl.nu/4k57
  Replies (1) Good night (804) Bad night (535)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool

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  (919): We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool http://tfl.nu/zthr
  Replies (2) Good night (505) Bad night (293)

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