Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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