Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(718): View more from New York

you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

No stitches, just platelets and will power

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(206): View more from Washington

Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.

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(937): View more from Ohio

i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus

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23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Read it at the TFLN blog
(502): View more from Kentucky

At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man

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(937): View more from Ohio

It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.

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(956): View more from Texas

found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.

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(901): View more from Tennessee

I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around

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(720): View more from Colorado

Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.

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