oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize