You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Randomize
