So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
