i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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