I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
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