You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things