did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot