i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
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got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
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the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome