I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Hi, my name's audrey!
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.