I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
