I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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