Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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