idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!