Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
This is sufficient.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
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they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
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I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.