Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea