Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
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if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
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Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES