i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...