Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!