u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
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i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
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the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.