Swine flu. Run for my life!
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
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