let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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