he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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