last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize