something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
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She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
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Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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