i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Dignity is for republicans.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
