So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
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My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
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You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
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