someone threw a dead crab at me
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
