over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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