Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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