Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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