I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
