In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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