I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I just sucked dick on a ferry
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize