you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
