he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7