everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?