Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
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I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.