My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff