Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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