I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
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I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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