perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
