You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
two words...techno handjob
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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