Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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