Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
