She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
