I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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