ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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