you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
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Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
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It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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