Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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